Happy Unbirthday!

What? What’s that you say? No more birthday celebrations? Banned, you say? Waste of time and resources? No birthday cards? No presents? Well! I’ve never heard such nonsense in all my life! I’m disappointed; no, devastated!

Let’s think about this for a moment. What are birthday celebrations for? It’s a time when your loved ones celebrate you. To show you that no one is youer than you (with apologies). It’s a celebration of the day you arrived on this earth and blessed them with your specialness. How can you not celebrate that? And what about all the children in the world waking up on their special day, looking at the bottom of the bed, or in the living room and seeing…nothing. Can you see the disappointment in their eyes?

Right. I see. Well, if that’s the way things are to be, I’m sure you’ll understand how I must play this. Fine! We’ll give up our birthday celebrations. After all, we only have one birthday a year, but we have three hundred and sixty-four unbirthdays. So if I can’t celebrate my loved ones’ birthdays, I’ll just celebrate their unbirthdays instead. I can choose any day to surprise them with my love. Or even better, have four special unbirthdays – one in each season. I could arrange the celebration around the season: a snow party or skiing in winter, swimming or sailing in summer, mushroom hunting or leaf gathering in autumn, and flower picking in spring. These are just ideas of course, each person could choose their own celebration. Yes. I’m beginning to like this idea. You can keep your boring old birthday celebrations. Unbirthdays will soon become all the rage. Thank you for starting it all with your ban on birthday celebrations.

Oh! And happy unbirthday!